He already has a new girlfriend and they're telling each other they love each other.

I am laughing.
I hope he dies. Hahaha.
Anger.
I hate that man more than anybody else on the planet.

This reminded me of me

Apparently I was almost a twin. O___O;

Inwards, and outwards.

School has been rough, and I still have three midterms this week-and it's only Tuesday. It's pretty crazy right now...

I was diagnosed with mood disorder and ADHD, so I take a medication that handles both, and so far it seems to be working. It's an anti-depressant. I took Strattera originally but the dosage made me so sick to my stomach that I lost twenty pounds in the month I was taking it. I don't know what the name of the drug is offhand, but I'll post it later maybe. It has a lawyer list of side-effects which I don't receive any of. This medication makes me feel really good. I smile a lot more, I have a lot more confidence, and everything seems to be getting better. I actually understand people now, and their emotions. I understand and am capable of controlling my own emotions now. I had a major problem with it until now.

We'll see how everything goes, I guess...

How neglectful I am, dearest journal.

I apologize for the inconvenience.

The medication's wearing thin
And the good weather's gone
Tragedy strikes us
And we are filled with grief

Misery and contentment
Hand in hand in horror
Drowning in the goodness
Of crying children's eyes

I watch out this window
Wondering how their minds work
Each cogwheel turning
Each thought consuming
Their souls within themselves

Wondering now, am I alone?
Do others not see and question?
Maybe that is why
I am on these drugs...

I ran into two people who don't like me at my work today. The computer I ended up getting was across from them as well- very awkward. Just reminds me of how much I hate them. I just walked passed them like they didn't mean anything and they were invisible and sat at my computer and just...went on my business. But knowing they're there and all of that...it's frightening and I hate it. Plus last week Sam told my brother to tell me hi...I just want them to leave me alone and pretend I don't exist anymore.

Reproductive Choice

* Supports a Woman's Right to Choose: President Obama understands that abortion is a divisive issue, and respects those who disagree with him. However, he has been a consistent champion of reproductive choice and will make preserving women's rights under Roe v. Wade a priority in his Adminstration. He opposes any constitutional amendment to overturn the Supreme Court's decision in that case.
* Preventing Unintended Pregnancy: President Obama was an original co-sponsor of legislation to expand access to contraception, health information, and preventive services to help reduce unintended pregnancies. Introduced in January 2007, the Prevention First Act will increase funding for family planning and comprehensive sex education that teaches both abstinence and safe sex methods. The Act will also end insurance discrimination against contraception, improve awareness about emergency contraception, and provide compassionate assistance to rape victims.

Today is the first day that I felt I wanted a cigarette. I came to school and could smell the smoke from someone's cigarette. I wanted to feel the smoke in my lungs. Argh. My husband has it worse off then I do. He's stuck with the hand to mouth habit.

My husband went and bought a pack of cigarettes. Guess he's not capable of quitting with me, and he got mad at me when I spoke up about it. I have not had any cravings whatsoever. This is almost easy, lol. He offered to buy menthol because it's all I can smoke, how thoughtful.

Today is the first day without cigarettes. I've been smoking a little bit over a year and although I don't necessarily smoke everyday, I am still a smoker. So, as of today, I will not buy anymore cigarettes and I will not smoke or bum any from anybody. I will be smoke free! I'll update my progress on the smoking to see if it works.

Well, I voted. Yay, my opinion with the government! It was hard to vote for some of the props, though. At least in my opinion it was. I walked across the street (since my polling place is across the street from Sac City) to vote, then I walked back to meet up with Helix, then we went up to Starbucks to spend some time together before he vanished to Elk Grove to vote himself. I have spent the entire day today working, and oh my gosh it is really slow. At this moment in time, Obama is winning. I hope he continues to win, because another four years of Republicans will be sure to destroy this country even further then what we already are in. It's thirty minutes before polls close, and this is the time that I'm really paying attention the most. So I'm going to buy a Blackjack II on Monday, y/n? I need to figure out how to post things on Livejournal again through flickr, since I lost the number when my other phone went kaputz.

I need to really get my laptop fixed, or start investing for a new one. I want a Macbook so badly, but they cost SO MUCH. Just as long as I don't have Vista, plzkthx. This old laptop from when I was a senior in high school has so much sentimental value, that I don't know if I could give it up. Rawr!

So, I hope that everybody who is a citizen today has voted or is going to vote. It's an important election, and no matter what the turn out is, everybody needs their voice heard. I hate lots of political rants, but I guess everybody needs to say something about the election. Well, I've run out of room because I forgot to give Helix his PSP...

I struggle to remain true to myself and those I'm close with. It's hard though, because I have things around me that are telling me over and over that I cannot be who I am. I have to be what everyone else is, or what they think I should be. I'm not thin enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not tall enough...all those reminders and more just constantly around me. It's as if I'm not self conscious enough, that I always need that reminder beating me down. The fact I'm saying anything at all is trouble enough. I can only be myself when nobody is looking or paying attention, and that's the scary part. I'm just so frustrated and confused.

A guy came into my work that had learning disabilities. He could not speak English properly. He asked me to help him with his homework. It was only four English problems, but it made me feel really good to help him.


Just a random moment that made me feel really great. =)

So, classes have begun for the fall semester. I am one unit short of keeping my job. I need to find a one unit class before I end up losing it! I do not want to take a physical education course, but I don't know, I might have to. It's too hot here though to do anything outside.

Yesterday I left half an hour early accidentally, because I didn't know that I was working another half an hour until today! Grr! I hope I don't get in trouble for that, that would be not what I want. But hopefully I don't get in big trouble, I've had it in my mind for two weeks that I worked until 6, not 6:30. ><

I have two classes and they're both psychology. Psych of Death and Dying, and Psych of Love and Intimacy. They're pretty impressive so far, but I hope I can find a class that fits my work and schooling schedule. Evening class maybe? Or a Saturday class? (ew.) Maybe a second half semester class.

Can someone buy me extra lj icons? I want moarrrr. :'[ And I'd rather not switch to a plus account. I can give you cash or something if you do it. >___<;;

I'll post laterrrr.

I keep neglecting livejournal.
Not really anything to say in here anymore, but I should really make something up or something and post in here more. We'll see then I guess maybe?

What Death Note Character Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime and Fandom

What Death Note Character Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime and Fandom

You are impulsive and have an easy-going approach to sex. You have the innate ability to remain on friendly terms with your ex-lovers. You are philosophical and rarely get too upset when a bed mate moves on. You simply rationalize that there will be a new love in your life shortly. You are good-natured, straightforward and generous. You love your freedom and must be allowed to travel. You will not be happy if forced to settle in one place and your residence will rarely look established. You quickly move on from a man, job or living quarters if you don't find yourself being stimulated anymore. You honestly bewilder men.

You do much better when it comes to friendships then you do in love relationships.